Where does a dracula buy a goldfish, or a frankingstein find a hamster? Would you sell a cat to a werewolf? Dr Zitbag's Transylvania Pet Shop is less interesting that all of these questions.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Every now and then, we watch something genuinely good like Paddington Bear, the incredibly labour-intensive stop-motion animation from Ivor Wood. Don't worry though, I'm sure there will be some willy jokes in here somewhere, and Mark definitely says "boobie."
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
A bunch of kids live in a wasteland where the only entertainment is the most boring of all fairground rides. I'd probably talk to snails as well.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
"What do kids like?"
"Cartoons?"
"Of course."
"Action and adventure?"
"Obviously."
"News and current affairs?"
"For the last time John, get out of this meeting."
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Watch out, Beadle's About! this is not a drill, repeat, this is not a drill!
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Bill and Ben are made of flower pots, or wear flower pots, or just resemble flower pots for some reason...? Anyway, they live in your garden and they come alive at night. Sleep well.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
With a title like this the jokes will write themselves, so I'm not going to bother. Also, Adam West is there, so something something Burt Ward.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Lassie's owners are constantly being shot at, set on fire, lost in the wilderness, trapped down wells and being caught in the current of fast-flowing rivers. Exactly the kind of people Battersea would probably deem unfit to care for an animal.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
In the 1970s, teenagers were almost indistinguishable from middle-aged adults. Maybe it's because they were all time travellers, or whatever the Tomorrow People are, we don't know, it's confusing.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Christopher Biggins hosts On Safari whilst looking like Timmy Mallett if he'd eaten Elton John. Also some kids and their parents play games to try and win a telescope or something.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
The best thing we can say about Shane Richie on Run The Risk is that at least he isn't Bobby Davro.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Junior Kickstart is about men standing around in the woods watching kids fall off motorbikes. And our mums used to wish we'd spend more time outside for some reason.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
We finally get to the end of the worst thing the royal family has ever done. Forget all the other bad things. Especially that one you're still thinking about.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
We're not saying George R R Martin was inspired by It's A Royal Knockout, but there's an evil prince and most of the main players are dead. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
A special episode deserves a special subject, a royal subject, the subject of an investigation perhaps? It's A Royal Knockout is like a massive fever dream, minus breaking into a sweat of course.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
What's more annoying - adverts that you can't skip, or podcasts about middle-aged men's opinions? Luckily, you don't have to choose.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Christmas is over, we've all had enough of chocolate and sweets, so we've decided to watch some adverts. For chocolate and sweets.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
We're off to Button Moon...again, to celebrate Mark's birthday with a bunch of fever dream characters made out of household utensils and kitchen waste. *party popper sound*
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
N_cky C_mpb_ll _nd s_m_ m_n_r c_l_br_t__s g__ss w_rds w_th__t v_w_ls _n th_ m_st f_st_v_ g_m_sh_w _v_r. S_rry.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Bullseye Christmas specials make a mockery of the format of the game, as professional darts players get good scores, and celebrities answer all the questions correctly in the name of giving to charity. We'll never say no to watching an episode of Bullseye though. Apart from the one with Daphne from Eggheads on it.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Who doesn't love obnoxious shouty presenters swallowing the camera and being nice to Dave Perry? Everyone? Oh well, sorry Dexter Fletcher, GamesMaster isn't for you. Better go and be an incredibly successful movie director instead.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
The Blunders was a cartoon family sitcom that probably didn't exist and we don't remember it. Do you remember it? NO YOU DON'T YOU LIAR!
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
Take a parody of Grange Hill, add some two-dimensional caricatures of the British Royal family, and you've got Palace Hill. Subversive? Yes. A bit rubbish? Apparently. Did we love it? Of course!
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling
A giant Michael Bentine looms over some pirate puppets as if it's normal in another kids' tv show that sounds like we made it up.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy
W4B theme acoustic arrangement by Joe Beckhelling