"Thesp... build me a borg!" shouted Craig Charles, as he awaited the arrival of a blocky virtual reality avatar. But it never arrived. Was there something wrong with Thesp? Were the borgs broken? Or was he just in the B&Q car park again, being all confused?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Mentioned briefly during our David comma The Gnome episode, Trans World Sport was the program you had to sit through on a weekend morning before kids' tv started. Not good kids' tv though.
At least you would learn about sports from around the world. Not good sports though. We were just too lazy to go outside and play. Or even change the channel.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We finish our Gnome-ology with the first episode of the Smurfs, the smurfiest pile of old smurf we've ever had to smurf.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Who is your favourite Tom Bosley character? Whatever you just said is wrong, because it's actually David comma The Gnome, the tiny sadistic veterinarian who could easily sneak into your house and kill you because he is stronger than 7 men. Luckily for you he prefers hurting animals, but we all know it's only a matter of time...
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Noddy. The little gnome in the red and yellow car.
Shakey. A nickname for Shakin' Stevens.
It's the first episode in our gnome-ology, as we start looking at shows about gnomes for some reason. And at least this is the least racist version of Noddy. Probably.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
This is a gameshow for pre-schoolers and the questions are easy and boring, so Mark comes up with some more challenging ones instead.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Pat Coombs roams the countryside with a haunted doll, evading the paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren from out of the Conjuring movies and also real life. They are good at evading the Warrens because you don't see them or hear about them at all in this episode, but they are definitely pursuing Pat and the doll nonetheless.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We haven't done a gameshow for a while, so let's do a gameshow. Which gameshow shall we do? Lucky Ladders with Lennie Bennett? Why not? How do you play Lucky Ladders? Who cares, we're barely paying attention anyway. Sorry, Lucky Ladders fans. Or Lennie Bennett fans.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
A man tries to paint everything blue, but a panther intervenes and covers the walls with pink paint, instead of the man's blood, which is what would really happen if a panther was on the loose. Yet somehow, the second option seems preferable.
Well here he is, the pink panther,
The rinky-dink panther,
Isn't he a panther ever so pink?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
A show that epitomises all the worst elements of any "forgotten kids' show" creepypasta, Cloppa Castle definitely didn't exist, apart from in your nightmares. And now in ours.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We thought we'd covered all the shows full of haunted raggedy puppets that inhabited our childhoods, but it turns out there's always another haunted raggedy puppet show lurking just around the corner.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Imagine running the Krypton Factor assault course, but there are hundreds of you, and you take a detour through a dirty lake, and you're being chased by men dressed as monsters while a megalomaniac laughs and taunts you. Also, Craig Charles is watching.
It's Takeshi's Castle.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
It's our fifth anniversary, so we go on a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man... who does not exist. And we don't mean Takeshi's Castle (sorry Richard).
Take a ride with us in everyone's favourite talking car with a teacher's voice, as we watch Knight Rider.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We finish watching Grease 2 this week, and what better way to celebrate a sequel that regurgitates tired old ideas than recording a podcast that regurgitates tired old jokes and references?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We've done 250 episodes of When Wagon Wheels Were Bigger, and what better way to celebrate two middle-aged men reliving their childhoods than watching a load of middle-aged men pretending to be high school kids?
It's Grease 2. Part 1.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Take a deep breath and smell that fresh Welsh air.
"Pshhh-ti-cuff, pshhh-ti-cuff, pshhh-ti-cuff!"
No wait, I'm choking on coal fumes. It's Ivor the Engine.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Everyone is hats. Baker is hat. Policeman is hat. Mexican man is hat. Everyone is hats. You will be hat.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Two weirdos solicit drawings from children and sing songs about them, whilst nightmarish and occasionally racist imagery lurks in the background. Yet somehow, fans of this show think Chris Packham is the bad guy...?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
We recorded this episode ages ago and had second thoughts about releasing it. But we've had a break over Christmas, and we're never going to watch Archer's Goon again. So here's Archer's Goon. Archer's the guy who sent the goon, right?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
It's been 30 years since this Tomorrow's World quiz, so we should know all the answers about the gadgets they're talking about, right? Nope, we're too busy taking our jetpacks to work and flying our hoverboards into clocktowers.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Christmas is famous for magic, so we're watching a Paul Daniels Christmas special! Why not crack open the mince pies, throw them in the bin and join us as we witness Paul milking newsreaders, an acrobatic display that goes on forever, and a puppet experiencing existential dismay. Merry Christmas!
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Get Up and Go is about a cat from the moon encroaching on Beryl Reid's love life. Aren't you glad you didn't remember it?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Bonjour, and welcome to the surprisingly French Hector's House, a calm and sedate palate cleanser after the horrible hell-born puppets we've endured over the last couple of weeks.
The really important question though; There were ten in the bed and the little one said...?
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
More puppets that have crawled straight out of Hell, as this week we watch an episode of Pipkins. Professional rememberers and vox pop idiots will be amazed that we hadn't already covered Pipkins, but having watched it this episode, we wish we still hadn't.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.
Fred Harris had a mixed history with puppets and dolls. If he wasn't kicking them across TV studios in fits of blooper-baiting rage, he was being haunted by cursed ones in this.
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W4B theme composed by John Croudy.